Dr. Bob Huizenga – Infidelity Recovery Center Subscription

Dr. Bob Huizenga – Infidelity Recovery Center Subscription

You are at the right place.

How do I know that?

Well, I assume you are…

determined to have something better
you have the courage to seek out something better
you’re open, seeking and want to learn.
you have sensitivity and compassion
And, you are in pain.

Dr. Bob Huizenga

25,000+ client hours as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
Author: First and Best Selling E-book, “Break Free From the Affair.”
Success You can TRUST

I know that because you are here; exploring and wanting.

You want to move beyond your pain.

You want a relationship of TRUST, honesty and mutual acceptance and respect.

Here’s what I want for you:

to feel better quickly
and begin to notice different responses from your spouse or partner in the next 48 hours

Note Abby’s Timeline

In our first coaching session Abby talked about her husband finding his “soul connection.”

He refused to stop seeing and talking to her and became increasingly critical of Abby.

And, get this: he even asked for Abby’s support and understanding!

Abby was like, “Huh?!!.” but also fearful that if she exploded or withdrew her “support” he was a good as out the door and with his lover.

Of course Abby was confused, angry, felt helpless and terrified.

In that session I was very intentional in affirming Abby’s inner strength and began planting seeds of what she might say that had the best chance of helping her feel better and impacting her cheating husband.

In the following week she began to set boundaries, create “space,” make meta-comments and charge neutral as well as monitor what was brought up in her.

14 Days Later

14 days after our session, Abby’s husband wanted to set a time to talk to her.

He told Abby he had completely broken off the affair and wanted to work on the marriage.

She emailed me, “It’s amazing what honesty, and charging neutral, has done to get us to this point.”

Is this an unusual case?

No. Actually it’s fairly typical.

Tracey and the Elephant in the Room

Tracey and her husband were at a standstill and had been for a long time. They lived together, were cordial and didn’t talk about the elephant in the room.

Every so often he would excuse himself to go have a few beers with his buddies, which meant seeing the other person. (Tracey was able to track his position.)

Tracy and I talked about confronting the affair or the elephant, without blowing everything out of the water.

Tracey emailed me:

Hi Dr. Huizenga,

Thank you for talking to me this past Tuesday. I was a bit of a mess with trying to get everything sorted out in my mind, but I believe that I am thinking more clearly now.

Last night the opportunity presented itself to say something so I did. It went something like this: I said in a calm, non confrontational way…”I just wanted to let you know some things that Alexa (our daughter) has been asking me that I am not sure how to respond to. I told him that she commented that “Daddy has been going out alot with his friends” and that last night when he was out she asked “Is Daddy coming home tonight?”. I told him that the first thing this morning she asked me was “Did Daddy come home last night.” He sat there not saying much. But I felt better. …we will see what he does with it. I also at some point mentioned, again calmly, in response to something he said, “wherever you go and whoever you go with”…to let him know i wasn’t buying the whole “out for beers” excuse.

(Tracey had the courage to confront in a rather indirect, but relevant matter, his behavior. It was a strong “baby step.”)

She also wrote: He has been more comfortable around me and has seemed to be more friendly and considerate. I have also returned to work 2 days per week and he seems to not know what to think about that
Is this magic?

No.

The Couple that Changed My Professional Life

I’ve spent a professional lifetime as a Marriage and Family Therapist – over 25,000 direct client hours and hundreds of hours of supervision and training.

Back in the late 90’s I was baffled by many couples who refused to budge.

I was working with a couple one day; the wife dragged her husband into my office by the ear and proceeded to ream him out for not spending enough time with her, being distant, etc.

He sat there like a stiff post, being nice but divulging absolutely nothing.

Then it came out.

The wife hinted at another person.

That was it! He was having an affair, but for religious, business, personal and community reasons would not come close to admitting it.

That was their last session with me. They were stuck. And, I was stuck.

So, I embarked on research, study and implementing new strategies with couples whom I suspected were struggling with infidelity.
Knowing the 7 Types of Affairs Begins Your Recovery

I began to understand. I began to see patterns. My therapy became more powerful.

Much so, that in 2001 I wrote the first Ebook on Infidelity, “Break Free From the Affair,” a comprehensive extensive outline of 7 types of affairs and how each can be addressed.

People gobbled up the ebook. (There was a lack of adequate information on infidelity then, not only online but in the professional community as well.)

I sold thousands of copies and the testimonials poured in.

This is what others say:

Although all of type #4 seems to fit my situation like a glove, I highlighted the most strongest points that apply there as well. And I must tell you, it was shocking when I first read #4, it was as if you were a fly on the wall during this whole thing. ~ Bill

Your profiles are so accurate it is eery! ~ Matthew

I am amazed at how on-target you are in your profiles of the different types of “cheaters”. I wish I had this two years ago–would have saved me a lot of trial-and-error. ~ Shelly

It was amazing how the type of affair my wife was having just jumped out at me. Knowing that, and what to expect, has given me hope that there will be a resolution. Thanks, Bob.” ~ Brad

I couldn’t believe how accurate your description was of him – he is definitely number 3 but I don’t feel he has always been which is the sad thing really. ~ Elizabeth

Dear Dr. Huizenga,I just bought your book yesterday and all I can say is thank you. I was on a emotional roller coaster when I found out that my wife was having an affair (#4). Everything you said about the typical reactions for the offended were dead on. Everything you mentioned, I was going through (I was miserable). You helped me more than anyone or any resource ever did. It was uncanny how accurate everything was. ~ George

The identification of the affair type, and suggestions to change my behavior accordingly really assisted me to cope! I haven’t really found ANY book offering this kind of information, and NO counselors ever have. It helped with my need to do something to fix it. ~ Suseth

I just purchased your ebook Break Free from the Affair. In reading over the type of affair I am facing, I am #3. Everything you say is right on target. I could not believe every word you wrote was me to a T. ~ Brian

You were right on and after I shared it with my husband , He opened up more than ever because he was not sure him self what was going on! ~ Joy

It was extremely helpful for us to read the description about the “revenge affair” as it was so accurate and made my husband feel as though he was not a sexual pervert-I felt better also, especially since you gave it more of a chance of ending successfully. ~ Izzy

Identifying the kind of affair made such a big difference in my state of mind. “I cant’ say No” brought it all home for me. I have confronted him before, but he tells me I’m crazy and paranoid. He is such a smooth operator. ~ Katie

Overcome Your Pain, Get Clarity and Move Toward Resolution in 48 Hours

48 hours…that’s all I want from you now.

During these 48 hours I want you to take a break from thinking about the affair and them.

I want you to shift your focus away from your cheating spouse to yourself.

And, if you are like most you argue…

If I stop being there for him/her; if I stop trying, I will lose him/her.
Or, If I do that, it will look like I don’t care and s/he will be gone.”

You may have those fears, but, believe me, work with thousands of couples informs me that those fears are not founded.

In reality, taking a 48 hour “break” most likely will pique your cheating spouse’s interest.

And, 48 hours is NOT a long time.

Look at the larger picture: thoroughly working through an affair takes 2-4 years (without expert guidance) and often 6-18 months with guidance and making significant changes.

So, relax a little, take a deep breath and commit to 48 hours.

5 KEY Recovery Areas
– Your Focus for the Next 48 Hours

Have you experienced anything as excruciatingly painful as discovering your partner is cheating?

Probably not.

The affair brings up pains, urges, images and fears that you thought never existed.

But, they are there, real and powerful.

And, if like most, you resort to your personal default mode to cope.

But here’s another problem plopped on top of your pain: what you do to get away from your pain – your default mode (argue, rage, beg, please, cry, become depressed, freeze, etc.) – gives your cheating spouse an excuse to continue their affair!

And, you become with force the person you truly don’t want to be and the person you truly are not.

This is your bind.

And if you continue in this bind, it is almost guaranteed that one of three situations will emerge:

The affair will continue
The affair will end as well as your marriage
Or, the affair will end and you will live together in a cold untrusting marriage.

I’ve identified 5 areas common to infidelity suffering and have developed resources for each.

These 5 areas are your focus for the next 48 hours.

1.Get Rid of Negative Thoughts and Images

Your pain comes from the 6 inches between your ears – what you think about 24/7 – all the garbage stirred by the affair.

Where does your pain come from?

Your pain comes from the 6 inches between your ears – what you think about 24/7 – all the garbage stirred by the affair.

And where do these thoughts come from?

They come from what you have been taught and absorbed the myths and misconceptions, about infidelity.

Here are two common myths that stir up terror in your heart.

My spouse fell out of love with me and in love with someone else.

Maybe your spouse even told you this, “Hey, don’t take this personal, but I’ve fallen out of love with you. I love you, but I’m not IN love with you.”

Please know this is a crock.

Infidelity has absolutely nothing to do with love. I has to do with an emptiness or a now bankrupt coping mechanism within your spouse that has been there long before they met you. An affair is an attempt to escape from the reality of one’s self.

Affairs are NEVER about love.

Affairs are a symptom of a lost soul.

Affairs are NEVER about love.

Infidelity is not a mystery based on some starry eyed people “falling in love” outside the marriage.

Affairs are a symptom of a lost soul.
Or, Our marriage is lousy. I did not meet their needs

Please know that the affair has absolutely NOTHING to do with any “failure” on your part. EVERY marriage has it’s problems, but they are not an excuse for infidelity.

There are many other misconceptions about infidelity that harm and not help your inner state or the state of the affair.